Bandana Hd Kates Playground

synapses murder or what can cause Suez and cappuccinos II


More coffee. More Sueigkeit. More retching. Here, exclusive to Verreiss_mich!

Part I (according to old rules in my lj) here , Part II here and Part III here .

title well thought exciting story: tears of war (was deleted in fanfiktion.de)

Authors: KyraKaiba (formerly phoenix_of_light) & Haruki_Zorro

The maltreated fandom: One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh! and Inu-Yasha

The hare-brained plot: In a there Zukunfstwelt a very evil dictator, the Mary Sue Mayumi wants to conquer using Inu-Yasha from the Middle Ages, Lorenor Zorro from the pirate era and Seto Kaiba from the young modern times. The (nonexistent) story line is just a flimsy excuse to Zorro to marry off with Sue.

The anti-quality of the characters: Mayumi is the perfect Mary Sue, who knows everything can, and constantly herumzickt and is still adored by all. Zorro has lost brain and pride is a self-pitying crybaby, Seto suffers from mood swings like a thirteen-year-old girl and Inu-Yasha must occur only as a naive nurse-side kick. Geek! Ayaka, Bruce! Ishimoto and Stu us remain in this chapter, after all saves.

Positives & Negatives: + grammar and spelling mostly very good
+ hardly synonyms for the main characters
+ Seto and Inu-Yasha are also times to
word - but it just talk nonsense
- still no proper thought form
- the characters are consistently OOC
- the plot is moved not a bit ahead



Chapter 4: Little Love Story?

The chapter begins with the blackmail of the authors, not three continue to write comments - shame on those who wrote it!

were really hard days for the boys and especially for Mayumi (because infected the aftermath of her sex change even in the bones) . Her fever rose to such an extreme that all three (all three of fever or what is? A subspecies of the Bieber? Well, what covers are fine, not only for Sue-poster beds!) have to fear before her em survival had. In the rare moments when the intense pain they were awake (the pain they can wake up? Since it is her body but powerful what's wrong ...) were the only thing she saw Zorro's eyes, even if they perceived around them absolutely nothing (because she was dizzy from sheer commas). Later was her only reminder of those days (the terrible pain, they could wake up and) the sight of those same eyes (save the genitive!) . Zorro sat day and night on her bed and slept even less than Kaiba ahm (- only once for the record, Zorro, the Canon almost just asleep or struggling / to take coaching, not sleeping, because he must take care of the sick Sue. Is' clear.) , but with the only difference is that this is still in front of his laptop was (lag? But then crumpled but the coat!) than once every three days he was on the thing and came (in a subordinate clause prior to the fandom Yu-Gi-Oh! and related manner collectors come inside were justified, and) slept through 24 hours. Much movement, he also got nciht as it walked, if any, to the coffee machine (no cappuccino machine?) or refrigerator. Inu-Yasha, however (was even less than before and Kaiba) only slept from morning to noon controlled, then, whether the tree house from below still invisible, was (if necessary nor was an additional layer Superbeiallemwetterhaltendergeruchsneutralerunsichtbarkeitslack ™, a patent, Monsanto to Ayaka,) and the nights are held on watch on Mayumis apple tree ( - in short, he was the only one who did something sensible)..

One night strange noises awakened by Kaiba (hm - the voices in his head?).

The following passage is simply a figurehead to ICness - let it work for you:
"Mayumi, ... Please (!) ... Please wake up ...", whispered (!) Zorro over and over again, interrupted by sobs (!!!) in the turquoise blue (no comment) linens.
Did the authors get the manga / anime ever to the face? So I doubt it very slowly ...

Kaiba turned his back to him and was not note that he has everything mitbekam (false, Seto! You should go and comfort him!). In his eyes flashed something unusual: What was that? About Grief ... and pain? (Or tears of laughter because of this sentimental imbecility?) What was only with him? (why he was suddenly in the fourth chapter, a part attributed?) envied him why he (actually a question of if it meant only having to idolize daft Love intrests and howl ) ? Love at first sight, to so what he already thought long not he had wasted not even a thought, there was no such thing. That was nonsense! A real relationship with a girl? (For until now limited its us "Babe hOttEzT dUElmaStA eVA !!!!" or" by the manga extensively documented experience with the fair sex only to online chats with girls with evocative names like Nick cuteBlackMagicianGirl) Haha, he thought bitterly that never worked!

Cut: Emo Seto thinks ahead to the mass of failed relationships after that led him to conclude that women are only good for conquest and exploitation, and on the (May would beat you up for that.) death of his brother, rolls together and crying thinks herself to sleep. By Zorro's outburst Sleeping Beauty wakes up too! Sue again. Sorry.

"Zorro!" She murmured, and promptly fell asleep again (this time hopefully for good).
"No problem, I like you nursed!" Inu-Yasha's only comment was, when he came in from his night watch the tree house and entered Mayumis heard the first word after three weeks of illness before he disappeared in the FF in the Necessary-Siedekick-sinking. Kaiba, during their awakening and his coffee (where else?) (a) brackets in the text are stupid and testify no way of style. b) Your running joke is so ready, flat and listless as anything. And c) Since when is EGTL Seto. Coffee fanatics?) was nodded only clamped and then back behind his new notebook that he (though) already (the last three weeks had, but not until now) in his (cold and broken ) heart closed seemed to have.

Cut: A little plot, you may not believe it! Kaiba does not trust Mayumi and speaks Inu-Yasha depends - on the tree house veranda in a rocking chair sitting.

"Stay Loose Bark. I wish you only once to ask what you think of the chick! " (Seto, the cool slang gangster, as we know and love it.)
"chick? What is a chick? "Came out of the tree ask (because Inu-Yasha was now completely united with him). (Check one more tortured ARGH! English grammar ... If you can not, please let be. Or at leo.)
"Oh, I forgot, you're son Wonderland people, can so do not even know what I mean! What did you say again are you? A demon? Sorry, I meant, of course, half-demon (which brings me back to the question of why Inu-Yasha is not simply a portal in his time opening - wait, that would be logical! Mea culpa.) , we do not want you even do better than you are! (rightly so. Always nice to slap on the only ones who can help you right now.) "
" Be careful what you say, SETO-CHAN! (Hooray, you can use Japanese suffixes, brave Fangirls * pat * What is the love Inu-Yasha but the trigger!) "
flattened After a short silence (because he was still completely from this Scharfzü , a function,) to Kaiba announced yet again to speak: "I just wanted to ask what you think of this" Shit, what was her name again? (Gangster! Seto strikes back! Includes new form of thought: and memory loss.) "ääääh Mayumi think?"
"She seems to be a good fighter Sue one to be. After all, she has defeated Zorro. "Said the half-demon.
"So I'm now so not meant !!!", pimped him Kaiba (Seto Bitchy! strikes back!) .
"Oh, you think that they knew Zorro's name? "asked Inu-Yasha.
"Aha, you're one of the very rapid species. The fact is that she apparently knows U.S., without which we know about them. "Kaiba mused aloud.
"I think you do you too much, Kaiba, it's quite nice!" Said Inu-Yasha naive back (as he had done so never in my life negative experiences with women).
"I give up, like where you really lost everything," said Kaiba resigned and ended the conversation, (which he was so polite had begun) purely went by, made coffee and get back behind the laptop jammed (And he can not find out anything about their current situation?) .

Cut: The Sue lives, unfortunately, still is recovering while drinking cappuccino (I am beginning to think they get paid a commission of Nescafé) on the porch. Thank you it does not, of course, she's a Sue. When you walk in the woods starts playing child! Zorro another scavenger hunt.

you did it and was amazed ncith bad: a pirate who could handle a bow and arrow almost as good as them? (What are you talking about? He has missed you, he is a lousy shooter!)
He must have practiced day and night ... (because he sleeps so not known, but trained at night all the time because it is his goal, the world's best swordsman to be Archer)
(...)
was soon clear to her where to lead the young swordsman she wanted: To the lake, in the apple trees, which they had planted themselves and Ayaka Vorrausgesetzt (they do not have these trees planted as infants, can Accordingly, they are still not very large.). The tears were her again in the eyes, (ah, crybabies! Sue!) so they Zorro first noticed when she stood in front of him stepped on him.
you did not believe it, but this bag was actually eingepennt! (I do not believe it: A radio IC Hurrah!)
NA WAIT 's thought (it's Welch appropriate pronoun for a disgusting Sue: D)! and was already climbing up the nearest tree (which she herself had planted several years ago. Right. Poor tree.) .
"WooMe" Zorro flew a fat apple at his head. At first he did not know what was going on around him, but he realized very quickly, "Hey Mayumi, I'm full of suffering! (That's it for now ... back to the IC) Please come out of the trees! I mean it seriously ", he called up, without really knowing exactly where she was (As the boy has survived because of these reflexes as a swordsman so long?) . After several minutes he sat in despair on the floor.
"WHY WOMEN NEED TO DEVIL ALWAYS BE SO damn complicated?" (CAPSLOCK FTW !!!!!!!)
"Whoosh" and flew it to the next apple to the head, followed immediately by Mayumi (She throws him not to his neck, but to the head. Interesting tactic!) , which landed next to him .
"Ouch!" He shouted (clear Jah. Zorro has always been a Zimperlieschen. What are five liters of blood loss from an apple (and Sue) flying against a head?) .
not "scream here so rum. You make the poor birds have fear (Do not worry, that have been squashed because of you). In addition, we ARE NOT kompliziert, IHR Männer MACHT uns kompliziert!!!" (Emanzen!Sue!) , meckerte sie ihn an.
"Is ja schon gut, du Zicke, darf man als Mann nicht mal seine Ruhe haben? (Lo~ogik? Wo bist du?! Lass mich hier nicht allein zurück!) ", motzte er zurück.

Cut: Mayumi meint, Zorro wäre kein Mann, sondern höchstens ein "Jüngelchen". Der erwidert innovativ, dass sie keine Frau wäre. Mayumi haut ab und heult rum, weil Zorro sie nicht mag. Inu-Yasha ist ihr gefolgt, und Kleinkind!Sue will Fangen spielen.


Almost done, only two more to go! Finally, a little self-promotion: In kaaleo-shop available exclusively are now the best selling Superbeiallemwetterhaltendergeruchsneutralerunsichtbarkeitslack ™ , original Yutaka Ishimoto flowers remuneration and the long-running, our original sword fight wounds, emergency first aid kit ™ brand new and the separately available Schwertkampfwundennotfallverbandskastennachfüllset ™ (thanks for this to failte_aoife ). All just as long as supplies last!

Flower Safe Spray Paint

A Sue is not enough


Welcome back and step inside to Part III of the bad reviews! Part I, it is only under the old rules on my journal here , Part II here.

title well thought incredibly exciting history tears of war or tears of war

Authors: phoenix_of_light or thunder-dragon and Haruki_Zorro

The maltreated fandom: One Piece, Yu-Gi-Oh! and Inu-Yasha

The hare-brained plot: In a there Zukunfstwelt a very evil dictator, the Mary Sue Mayumi using Inu-Yasha from the Middle Ages, Lorenor Zorro from the pirate era and Seto Kaiba from the young modern wants to conquer. The (nonexistent) story line is just a flimsy excuse to Zorro to marry off with Sue.

The anti-quality of the characters: Mayumi is the perfect Mary Sue, who knows everything can, and constantly herumzickt and is still adored by all. Zorro has lost brain and pride, Seto is virtually non-existent and Inu-Yasha must only occur as a nurse-side kick. In addition, we meet at Geek! Sue Ayaka, Stu! Tatsuja and a hybrid of Mr. 2 and dictator, Yutaka Ishimoto.

Positives & Negatives: + grammar and spelling mostly very good
+ no ~ FLASH BACK °+~ Intro
+ no synonyms for the main characters
- but this min in each set.
three names - still no proper thought form
- the characters are still flat and uninteresting
- the plot is moved not a bit ahead



Chapter 3: Ayaka

But what happened to the mysterious evening, vanished in the Ayaka? (stands Well, at least not here ~ FLASH BACK °+~

Cut: Mayumi and Ayaka apparently have the same birthday. Congratulations.

"Hey cool, a first aid kit! Thanks Ayaka! "Said Mayumi pleased. "Oh Mayumi, you ignoramus! This is not a normal first-aid kit! This is a sword fight wounds emergency first aid kit! (Well, sometimes you really impertinent underexposed Vollidiotin! That is but brettelbreit on it! Registered trademark!) The tinctures are even designed in part to injuries of magical swords. (wounds of magic swords? Can it polish out scratches or what?) "
Now Mayumi beamed even more so a great gift she had received had never happy (besides they are on the compliments that her friend had made her,) but what Ayaka got from Mayumi? (a narrator and a stupid question! Congratulations!) What gave is a girl who was with a computer from the nose of the happiest man in the world? (? Ehm - a mousepad A DSL subscription a pink canopy bed cover with PCs on it) was But it was unimaginative nciht:

Cut: The Sue has been reading too much Harry Potter and considers himself incredibly innovative in that it gives Ayaka a photo album. They must also prepare for the great house party, for war or not, must be fun!

"So 'n Shit!" Said Mayumi at a level that Ayaka almost fell off the ears (Mayumis Special Move: Dezibelfluch Category kindergarten. GO!).
"Mayumi, how many times shall I actually say that there is no swearing in this house! (because under this umbrella, no primitive insults be tolerated. And anyway, how you look like? Combing the hair you so kindly!) "Ayaka chided with a grin, repeating a quote that Mayumis mother had used more than happy. (Remember how compassionate, a friend on her birthday to her dead mother's obvious, especially not in this way!)
"Yes Mama!" Mayumi was played annoyed on the matter.

Cut: It is cleaned up and the haphazard Geek Sue sent for shopping, as there seems no straight Catering services available!. This brings us to this dream location set:
But two things were missing: the ingredients and what was even more mysterious Ayaka. ("Who wants to bake a good cake ...." - No, seriously this is a case for Aiman Abdallah Mysterious!).

As the bell rang at the door.
Huh? Does she now have forgotten their keys? IMPOSSIBLE! (Hello new form of thought!)
stomped furiously to the door and ripped it with Exploud on (What fees reception for your best friend. I also congratulate the grand onomatopoeia.).
"Well did you character ...", but set them in Motzigkeit, but in mid-sentence remained her words stuck in my throat (and they choked miserably, because unfortunately the sword wounds, emergency first aid kit was not designed to Sueblödheit .) . Ayaka not stand at the door but ... (Drama! points)
"TATSUJA! What are you doing here? The party will start but only by four. And why bring Daisuke with you? (If the general house-trained already?) "

Cut: Stu Tatsuja, pale and otherwise colorless, calls his little brother to Dai-chan to tell what happened.

"I wanted to go fast again, because I've seen how these men wanted something from Ayaka. They have spoken only briefly with her, and then out into her Skyomobil (* lol * I'm really only "Skimobil" read ... ) dragged. They must indeed be quite rich. The Skyomobil had all sorts of Extra parts and engraved on his rear was a YI. "
" A YI? Do you mean a golden, the black is surrounded by a lion? "Interrupted Mayumi him short.
"Yes, exactly how do you know?"
"Yutaka Ishimoto! (it raise your hand if you find that name yet cliché.) "Tatsuja Mayumi and cried simultaneously.
The dictatorial ruler had actually managed: (He was my turn came at "Pimp My Ride" and) Ayaka He was kidnapped, as had long been his plan. Mayumi took a long time to recover from the shock. (They had sent the now seventh application!)
Tatsuja was the presence of mind to appeal to the rest of the friends and call off the party ( ultimately that was the most important. You could also try it later to save, but not until the party had to be canceled so that Mayumi did not have to clear up yet.) . He explained briefly what had happened (on the phone because it is so of wholly banal information) and promised the next evening at the headquarters (he was still on safety to take time out the address of the secret base, and wondered what that meant probably quiet crackling on the line) look. Headquarters? Yes headquarters! (Yes, I've figured out that you can write the word.) because the friends were good for two years more than that! (More than just a headquarters? So a fifth major?) As Yutaka Ishimoto after the death of Ayakas father, Yoshio, the sole power to crack the (that was Sue's father, the previous dictator or what? * Insert.plot.here *) and since then suppressed the people of the country, founded the three childhood friends, (which unfortunately also stopped at this same stage of development were) Ayaka, Mayumi and Tatsuja, a rebel group, the now thirty-odd members (Wow! So many the same!) people were doing good where they could. Open and hidden, (paradox and not) they went against the Terroregim of Ishimoto. By Mayumi, which dominated the fighting, more than any other (because she was a Sue) . Ayaka, who had a logical head of the gang already cracked so many codes. And Tatsuja whose mitlitärische planning and still love nature (military planning is a property?) , but provided that the other obeyed him. They had become an unbeatable team, which lacked only often money to carry out their actions. (But Mayumi had insisted that they buy with the budget as the first one multi-cappuccino machine for the quarters skin.) .

Cut: It is kept short of war, students should Tatsuja search for Ayaka, Mayumi find the reason for the kidnapping!.

woke Meanwhile Ayaka on, in a completely unknown environment.

(...)

White linen with pink flowers, brown Leather sofa, a light blue Spitzentischdeckchen (hovering in the air without a table) and geraniums boxes on the balcony railing (WTBH? ) ...
Where was she ended up here? Which square is responsible for this room? (The same as for the time jump, I suppose. Maybe this is a new method of torture at Guantanamo. Instead of AC / DC to run at full volume, are now locked the inmates in solitary confinement in square rooms. ) . As if on command
a great man entered the room (Sexy baby, sexy! The Handetasche be alive be!) . Three heavy diamond rings sparkled on his fingers.
"Ayaka, Liiiiiiiiiiiebes, (my iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii key leiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider stuck!) I see you're finally woken up, beautiful! Do you like your new room? "
Yutaka Ishimoto began advertising its full smile on (for the empty smile toothpaste sold not so good), when he took Ayaka next to the bed space. She moved instinctively a piece of him and his nasty-smelling aftershave away (which he also contributed for advertising purposes. Tyra and Heidi finally said, you must be able to sell products that you hate yourself.) .
"Yes, clearly," she replied only hypocritical, but could not hold back but then: "Could you kindly tell me where the toilet is, I find that sucks" (Huh, was quick-witted for an answer! Ayaka's got the Suepower!)
Ishimoto moved back a few inches closer to Ayaka (, wisely holding the bucket under her head was because the emperors Prada suit brand new, ) an arm and tried to put it (But somehow it disabled the comma) . "But Ayaka, Liiiiiiiebe what fits you no sense? I would change everything for you, what you wish (except my keyboard and my hairstyle. Hach, that was a Reiiii ~ home!)! "

Cut: The regulator Imperator will (for perfectly legitimate for no apparent reason, so his status as a new fashion guru) marry Ayaka. This says no, and he threatened her - which is not known, but whatever.

But how do they do it because it was after all in the most guarded Fortress of the Western world (western world? This would help to turn interesting when the Japanese took control of the world.) . Yutaka Ishimoto If someone wanted to have with him, then escaped to him so easily. The Ayaka was clear very quickly. I need to buy time for Mayumi, she thought, she is now my only hope (she's a Sue!) . But it will take time.

"Ayaka Love! (I have figured out how the keyboard works!) "
What is that here you resist, they wondered agitated, declared himself a moment later to rest again. If they could frighten him now, they put their time-wasting elsewhere.
"Yutaka Liiiiiiiiebes! (I think I've pressed angeste ~!) "she was a hypocrite on his meet-market.
In her mind she repeated, however, only a single derogatory word: Get out!
"Dear, you look so tense! Have you slept well? " (slept? Learn Model! Yutaka for about a medieval movie?)
Again, this slimy smile.
"No, I have since my new bedding sleeps, it is quite pleasant (Buy flowers! As long as supplies last! Yutaka original connotations today at half price!) . I'm just wondering where my laptop is "
Ishimoto reached into the suitcase he carried.

Cut: He gives her the notebook and will again, that she marries him. But is not it, because she hates him abysmal it would legitimize his dictatorship heard her heart already ...

Ishimoto it broke in: "... the little Tatsuja, I know! Just as I know (what you did last summer and) , that sleep in a dark blue upholstered bed, your girlfriend Mayumi favorite drink Capppuccino (is a Sue, upholstered in a turquoise Sue sleeps! poster bed) her in a sweet house (with time warps and unusual art) lives and like to me trying to make life difficult! ('s Confess! You've wrapped my house on Halloween with toilet paper!) "
Ayakas jaw sagged in his words, inch by inch down further (Once on the ground, she crawls as fast as possible from the BF) . She stammered: "Where ... (We have yet used all our extra equipment to rebels to remain undetected !) "
Again he interrupted her:" ... I know all this? Nuuuuun, I have my friends (General Haffenloher amused himself surrounded by his friends). One of them is in your cute little revolt group (she's cute? Duziduzidu!) ! You can you remind Saburo? (If you see him you can ask him whether he has set my position right?) We like to meet for tea in my beautiful sleeps o ö s between ! (And then we play our coffee party with dolls and make us each other's nails!) "

Duh. That's it for now from me again. And do not like Sue's cross your path!